To gear up for the new year, it’s important to ponder on the things you’ve been through the previous year. Mine was funny. Not the Ha-Ha-Ha funny, but more of “Are you fucking kidding me!?” kind of thing…
The year when my worst What If’s came true…
For the most part of the year, we were flat broke. “Buhay-daga” as my husband would call it. In the middle of financial challenges, we suddenly needed to take on other people’s responsibilities. It was not ideal but we had no choice. With that, plus the selfishness, lies and lack of discipline around the house – all of it, got the best of me.
It was difficult. I blamed people. But I know my husband was in much shitty stance than I am. He was caught in the crossfire. I wanted to be the ‘perfect wife’; understanding, supportive and all that. But with such plight, it was not easy. We argued many times. It came to a point when it was dragging to go home. I almost packed my bags. Not because life was difficult, but because I felt I was a stranger in my own home. We were falling apart. I was miserable.
I have never prayed so hard in my entire life. I prayed for patience, lots of it. I prayed for peace of mind, everyday. And heck, I even prayed for lightning to strike them in the face to knock some senses into them. Kidding. I prayed for a better me and a better relationship with my husband. I knew we had no choice but to suck it ALL up, so we needed each other to check each other’s sanity. And with regular coffee chat and immense help from family and friends, we got through the worst part of the storm.
The year when we became mom and dad in training…
When you become parents, there is no such thing as “transition”. Parenting is an instant thing. You can’t file for a leave, you can’t quit, and never should you ask for space (duh?!). You build your world around your kid. And without knowing, Luthien became our world.
One important thing I realized this year, a parent is automatically selfless. Before, a cup of fancy Starbucks coffee doesn’t hurt. Now, that’s a pack of diapers already. No more lunch out with officemates. I survived with ‘jollyjeep’ meals or any stall where the food is cheap. In really tough times, a cup of instant noodles will do. Depressing? Not really. Because I know my sacrifices aren’t for naught.
Other than our own, we’re also raising two other kids, which I find more challenging. Since they’re no longer babies, the approach is different. With my mom-in-law also watching over them, differences arise when instilling discipline. At times, I feel like I have all the responsibilities but none of the authority. Right now, I’m still figuring out how this will work. Worst comes to worst, I have a sack that would fit them both. (Kidding again! Love ’em kids)
The year when I worked so effing hard I always wish it’s Friday every day…
Data. Dashboard. Reports. Numbers. Business rules. Excel sheets. Meetings. Everyday.
I love my work and I love how much I have learned. But my workload seemed heavier than me when I was full-blown pregnant. It has been extremely tiring I had to get new glasses to cope up. Nope, I’m not complaining. More work means secured job, so I’m still forever thankful. (But I can’t wait for the 5-day Pope Holidays! Wooohoo!)
Summing it up…
My 2014 was crazy beautiful. We got plagued once in a while (or regularly), but we had lifelines to get us back. There is always a reason to smile and be thankful for. Waking up every day is just one.
For 2015, no New Year’s resolution and no new planner. They’re only good until February. My core rules for this year: Respect people, value work, and spread the love.
So no more gloomy thoughts. Let’s be a ray of fucking sunshine this year! Cheers!